I think I get it now?

I'm 26-holy hell when did that happen-years old... I spent my birthday planted in front of my TV and watched Jon & Kate Plus 8... sounds fabulous, yeah? Hardly...

I've recently been reading "He's just NOT That Into You." and there is a chapter called "he's just not that into you if he disappeared on you." now, this chapter hit a little too close to home for me because THAT has happened to me... No.Joke. I've tried to let go of all the feelings I had for him, but when I read that chapter it made me angry, because everything that was said or explained tugged at my heart. I spent a year and some odd months making EVERY excuse in the book for why he just fell off the face of the earth... He's busy, He's broke every bone in his body while surfing waves on Australia's Gold Coast, He lost my cell phone #, etc. Even back then I knew he'd never come back into my life, I knew he'd never call a month (or 2) later and say "I'm really sorry for treating you like crap....I was [insert lame excuse here]" 6 years later, I still know all of these things.

But, now after reading that particular chapter, and thinking about it... it makes me sick, I wasted 4 years on someone who did not even care enough about me to make it a clean break. I still remember the last part of the final e-mail he sent me... "Maybe we should work on getting back on track before we work on where this is going." Part of me wants to track him down [because I could easily do that], punch him so hard his future kids are born with black eyes and ask him "How much time do you need to get back on track? I mean really?!?" I guess I wasn't worth it in the end...

I can't think about how the way it ended without crying... So, I am going to go have myself a good cry and go to sleep...