My that's a lovely shade of green....

So, I don't consider myself the jealous type.... However, it's hard to not feel a tinge of jealousy when your baby sister is getting married in less than a year, got a full scholarship to a private (Catholic- the parents LOVE that!) university, and has a 4.0 GPA in said university..... and me, I'm going to beauty school... and doing well in... but the rents seem to forget that I have a Bachelor's degree in English and minored in Biology which isn't easy to do... I'm not anywhere close to walking down the isle.. and truth be told I'm not sure I want to get married... I'm too busy working M-F, working on weekends AND going to school... all while trying to juggle a relationship and praying my period isn't a no show on a monthly basis, because as much as I want babies, it would be devastating news if I got pregnant right now. So, at the moment I am feeling a bit jealous of my sister, I hate that I can't express to my mom how I feel, because when my sister's fiance showed up asking my parents permission I was there, and my mom said to me... "I don't want you to get jealous" ouch! That stung just a little bit, don't get me wrong I am happy for my sister she deserves it, but at the same time I almost feel like it should be me that's being praised and have girls fawning over a pretty ring on my left hand... not the birthstone ring on my right hand (not to say I'm an ungrateful asshole, because I love that ring.) So, is my bit of jealousy justifiable or am I do I just have a case of "batting in the wrong order" syndrome?

Both my sister in laws who are totally awesome, have assured me the way I'm feeling will in fact... ya know pass, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking "I'm pushing 30, my boyfriend is 35 (who am I kidding, he's a man-friend), we're not talking marriage, we JUST tackled the idea of living together and kids are a possibility-- a very slight one at that." I feel like eventually if he and I are together long enough we'll have that "Big" and Carrie moment where he says "I wouldn't mind being married to you, if you wouldn't mind being married to me." Like we're closing a 10-year in the making business deal....MINUS the Blahnicks and HUGE walk-in closet.....

Though content with what I have in my life, supportive net of amazing friends, great man-friend, a cat whose loyalty trumps any dogs and a good head on my shoulders, part of me wants that dream wedding with a big white dress and everyone in awe of how gorgeous I look walking down the isle... Maybe it'll happen.... someday... I'm remaining hopeful.